(305) DEATH NEVER TAKES A HOLIDAY

On Friday, I attended the funeral of my friend Martin’s mother. It was a beautiful ceremony. On New Year’s Eve, Martin left early to go to his mother's side. He observed that this may be her last year. On Thursday, January 21, 2010, Chris, Martin and I had dinner at the Uptown. During dinner, his mother called several times. He assured her that he would be right over at the conclusion of dinner. She died Wednesday, January 27, 2010. The most amazing thing occurred at the funeral--the Rabbi quoted Martin's Mom, "When I’m gone, the only thing that will be left of me is the love that I have given you. Give it away."

What an awesome thought!

******

My wife Beverly has worked for Jude for six years in a large law firm. I never met Jude, but I knew he was a fitness person who rode his bicycle every day at lunch. When he was diagnosed with cancer, the local doctors sent him to Mayo. He received chemotherapy, which damaged his heart. He died this morning (Saturday, January 30, 2010) on the way back home from the Mayo Clinic. On Friday, he talked to Beverly on the phone, and Beverly reported that he sounded weak. He had been at Mayo for months. He was anxious to get home to see his sons. He was a proud father. In the phone conversation, he reported that it might take a year for him to recover from the treatments.

He was in his fifties. All of these occasions give us a chance to mourn ourselves. I’ve had two days of mourning. Even as I write, I know I’m on the down-side of the hill. Reverting back to what Martin said at New Year’s Eve: ‘Live it while you can.’ I have dedicated this day to pure hedonistic pleasure. I am going to do the same thing tomorrow. Join me.

Sincerely,
Don Heavrin,
On the death watch

(304) TEMPUS FUGITS

"It’s funny how time slips away."
--Willie Nelson

* * *

While the Civil War was raging in the United States, there was another war going on that no one noticed. Even today, there are only a few citizens in the United States who are vaguely aware of the unnoticed war. The war about which I speak is known as the Taiping Rebellion.

As usual, a religious fruitcake was the cause of the war. Nothing like deeply held religious beliefs to get a wave of murders going. In China, an idiot named Hung kept trying to pass the Confucius test. From my limited research, I think the Confucius test was an early Chinese version of the Civil Service exam. After failing the test three or four times, Hung had a dream. In his dream, he saw a man with a gold head. The golden-headed man gave him a sword. Hung believed that the man was God--and he was the brother of Jesus! He read a book in the Chinese language that was a simple description of Christianity. Like all zealots who advocate murder, he ignored the humanity part of Christianity, declared himself heavenly king, and went about killing people at will. He went to the nearest village and spoke to the assembled masses, which may have only been three street people. He explained that he was the brother of Jesus and had been ordered to get the masses to follow him. They followed him to the nearest-larger village, and then to the city, and then to the metropolis. Soon, there were more than a million people following Hung across China.

One of the rules was that there could be no sexual relations, gambling, prostitution, or opium smoking, except with Hung and his lieutenants. Hung had a huge harem, and so did his lieutenants. The underlying theory of his revolution was that everyone should share equally, except in sex, drugs, and gambling. I am mindful of the fact that when President Obama was presenting his health-care proposal, the vast majority of the public believed that the rich should pay for everyone’s health care.

Hung and his army took Nanking and made the city his capitol. As his power grew, he became increasingly erratic and started killing his lieutenants. His men failed to take Shanghai, which was defended by a western-trained army. Hung retreated to Nanking, but soon his city was surrounded, and he withdrew to his harem and committed suicide in 1862.

In 1864, Nanking fell.

The really amazing part of the story is that twelve million died in the debacle, and not on noticed or learned anything from the crusade.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
A chronicler of war

(303) MEIP GEIS

Meip Geis died at age 100. She was the lady who helped hide Anne Frank. Anne was taken into custody by the Nazis and was taken to Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. She died of typhus at age 15, two weeks before the camp was liberated. Ms. Geis was among six non-Jews who smuggled food, books, and writing paper, and news of the outside world to the secret apartment where Anne lived with her parents and wrote her memorable diary. After Anne was captured by the Nazis, Ms. Geis assembled her writings and turned them over to Anne’s dad after the war was over. Illustrating class beyond the expectations of mortals, she never read any of the diary, she thought that it was a private matter. I am glad that her dad published the diary because it was a great chronicle of the times.

We need to have millions of Meip Geis in order to stand a chance for peace. Every time I think there is a glimmer of hope, the world disappoints me.

Sincerely yours,
Donald M. Heavrin,
A poor chronicler of history

QUICKIE YY

In Cleveland, Ohio, a Drug Enforcement Administration Agent is on trial for framing 15 people in a cocaine sting. According to news reports, he was trying to increase his conviction record.

I can’t imagine a government employee lying in an attempt to make himself look good.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Monitoring the world

(302) REMEMBERING DAD

Today was a spiritually uplifting day. It is still cold in Louisville, Kentucky, and I was thinking about what sweater to wear to stave off the cold. The last Christmas my Dad was alive, December 1993, he gave me a beautiful sweater. I wanted to preserve the sweater for all times, actually for my children so that they would have something from Papaw, and I put it in a drawer to save. This morning, I was thinking, ‘I ought to wear that sweater in honor of my Dad,’ so I got it out and put it on. As I slipped it over my head, I said, "I love you, Dad." I know that he is beyond my voice, but it made me feel good and close to him. I would suggest that you try the same thing: put on an item of clothing that belonged to a departed relative or friend and tell them that you love them, even though you are saying it for your own benefit and see how it makes you feel.

Life is good.

Sincerely yours,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your nostalgic reporter

(301) MASSACHUSETTS ELECTION

"For purposes of Paragraph (3), an organization described in Paragraph (2) shall be deemed to include an organization described in Section 501(c)(4), (5) or (6) which would be described in Paragraph (2) if it were an organization described in Section 501(c)(3)." (Quoted directly from the IRS Revenue Code.)

"Many taxpayers will be inconvenienced by the hostilities of [thermo-nuclear war] and will have to be excused from paying the normal rate of interest on their debts."
(From an Internal Revenue Service study).

Now these idiots want to control our health care system?

Yesterday, the Republicans fought back and won the Senate seat in the State of Massachusetts. I am not sure what, if anything, that proves, but I think it illustrates the public does not like to have government programs jammed down their throats. Maybe they will wake up in Washington, but I doubt it.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
Your political pundit

(300) A LITTLE KIPLING

When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.
--Rudyard Kipling, "The Young British Soldier"

This paragraph was written by Rudyard Kipling in the late 1800's. Thus, it is obvious that someone has been fighting someone in Afghanistan for more than 100 years. Before we got there, the Russians fought and lost. They were more brutal and determined than we are. They lost and withdrew. Why do we think we can do a better job than the Russians? We can’t, so what are we doing there?

As of Friday January 15, 2010, every person in the USA owes $170,000 to cover the national debt. That figure includes all children, all retirees, all disabled, all housewives, everyone! Since half of the population does not work, everyone who is working owes $340,000. In the real wold, how does this work? Suppose the rich have to pay for this mess (anyone who makes over $50,000 a year), how does repayment work? Someone making $50,000 a year would, first, have to pay 40% of his income in direct taxes and a lot more in indirect taxes. For the sake of illustration, suppose he pays all of the $30,000 he has left to the government and lives on air, he would have to work over ten years to pay off his portion of the national debt. Since that’s not going to happen no matter how much spin your neighborhood political hack puts on the situation (whines), it is all over.

Now, if anyone wants to saving the sinking ship, turn on the presses and start pumping out money. Since it takes until age 25 for the human brain to mature, give everyone in the country who is 25 or over $340,000 in tax-free money and then stand back and watch our economy purr like a well-fed cat.

Next stop, double-taxation on corporations. Let corporations deduct from their income all money paid in dividends. Let the citizen who receives the income pay taxes on the income.

Let all housing costs including rent be deductible.

Let all interest paid be deductible. The economic explosion would be deafening.

Sincerely yours,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your economic advisor

(299) TWILIGHT ZONE

I thought there would be a sonic boom when you crossed into the Twilight Zone, but, instead, we have slipped into the Zone without the slightest tremor.

When I was in law school, a speaker assembled the students and told us we were going to have Socialism in the United States–it was just a matter of deciding what kind of ‘ism’ it would be. It could be democratic, or totalitarian. I was the only person in this assembly that said, ‘That’s a ridiculous idea and will only lead to the destruction of the country.’ The assembled masses looked at me like I was insane, and the speaker chuckled and said, ‘You fool!’ with his eyes.

The morning paper brought the news unions think high-end insurance programs should be taxed. What utter nonsense. Just for the hell of it, let’s follow this to its logical conclusion: first, assume that I have a huge reservoir of cash, and I have no interest in owning an insurance program, high-end or otherwise. We have to ask, ‘What does an insurance company pay?’ Rarely does an insurance company give away benefits without charging a premium. I pay the insurance company, the insurance company pays the medical bills, and we have to pay taxes on it if the policy is provided to us by our employer (I assume that’s the nuts and bolts of the deal, but it may be that everyone has to pay tax on it whether it is provided by the employer or not). Back to me paying my own bills. What happens if I don't have an insurance company? Do I have to pay taxes on high-end medical care?

Let’s move to the employer-provided insurance issue: John Q. Public has two job offers. They pay about the same amount, and the duties and expectations are about the same. He takes the job that provides health care for him and his family. He may or may not pay a contribution toward the cost of the plan. Now, the government wants to tax him because his health benefits are paid for by himself and/or the company. The unions, in a closed-door session meeting with the President, have agreed that high-end health care should be taxed. Simply amazing.

Earlier in 2009, a poll was conducted and 80% of respondents to the poll believe that health care should be provided to everyone by the rich.

My assertion that Socialism would never land in the United States was dead wrong. Now, it is becoming a vindictive Socialism with the government wanting to fine people who do not buy into the government’s health-care provisions.

* * *

The world community is fighting a disaster in Haiti. The airport is jammed with planes, and there is a bottle-neck that prevents the supplies from getting to the public. The UN food supply was looted. Instead of pulling together, some Haitians are using the self-help system. All of this is expected behavior, however, two extraordinary things occurred. First, Rush Limbaugh said that we shouldn’t contribute money to Haiti's relief because we already contribute through the taxes we pay to the government. I agree with Rush, we do pay taxes, but what if I want to send a few extra dollars to try to help the cause?

Even more bizarre, Pat Robertson (there is a village somewhere missing an idiot) said that Haiti was being punished because it made a pact with the Devil. That headline got my attention, and I re-read the article three times. Each time, I would say, "That can’t be right!" Unfortunately, it was. Robertson says that in 1791–repeat 1791–the citizens of Haiti practiced Voodoo, which according to Robertson is a pact with the Devil that produced a slave uprising against the French. If this has anything to do with God’s will, God is also not paying attention because it has taken him 220 years to express his displeasure over a pact with the Devil and Voodoo. This is akin to getting a speeding ticket and, 220 years later, the authorities demand payment.

May the Force be with you.

Sincerely yours,
Donald M. Heavrin

QUICKIE XX

SORRY, TIGER . . .

The other day I reported that Tiger Woods had converted to Christianity. I was wrong. What I heard on the news was that several enthusiastic Christian groups had suggested Tiger would find peace if he only adopted Jesus as his personal savior, and I misconstrued the message. As far as I know, he’s still a Buddhist. Sorry for the mistake.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin

(298) GEORGE CARLIN SAYS 'ASS'

I’ve been reading George Carlin’s autobiography. It’s a bit tedious. His childhood is like a lot of others. He was wild, out of control, and stole anything that was not nailed down. However, there are a few jewels in the book that make it worthwhile. For example, George had a job in a casino in Las Vegas. He was scheduled to start his show at 8:00 p.m. while Las Vegas was hosting a golf tournament. The casino management delayed George’s show so the golfers could get off the course and to the show. As a result of the delay, George was 45 minutes late getting started. During the show, as part of his routine, he said the word ‘ass.’ Some of the golfers complained to management because of this shocking, crude and obscene use of the English language. Management, always sensitive to the whims of golfers, fired George. In contrast, today casinos cater to every need of golfers regardless of the crude and improper behavior that may ensue. As a result, high crimes are committed in the name of pleasure. I’m not talking about murder--no, what I speak of is much worse. I’m talking about hookers, pimps, sex for sale, strippers, immorality, decline of civilization, fun in the sack without regard to procreation, burning in hell, and booze.

Saying ‘ass’ and getting fired in any generation is ridiculous.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Chairman of the Crude Department