(279) THE GREAT WHITE SHARK

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, the Great White Shark surfaced and munched several people who were swimming close to shore. I, actually, thought that Jon and Kate were among those who had been munched, but, alas, they surfaced to complain about Jon having an affair while married to Kate. All three stations carried a similar story. The stations are so desperate to put something newsworthy on the air, they have opted for a river of waste. As soon as I saw it on station one, I channel-surfed to station two, and there they were again. I immediately channel-surfed to station three, and there they were again! I gave up after the third station and decided to hear what the super-losers had to say (it could be argued that I'm a super-loser for watching this dung). The latest round shows Jon apologizing for having an affair and contemplating how he is going to explain infidelity to his children. Meanwhile, there was a series of paparazzi pictures showing the unfaithful couple laughing and cavorting with one another. Please, Great White Shark, if you have to go to their house to munch them down, I will pay for a tank large enough to transport you, if you promise not to leave any pieces floating in the water.

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Also of interest this morning, they were doing a retrospective on the year 1979. There were many fascinating things. I have selected a few for your amusement:

1) It was the year that Mean Joe Green did the Coke commercial where he gave his jersey to the child.

2) It was the year the second Star Wars movie, The Empire Strikes Back, was released.

3) It was the year that Pink Floyd sang, "Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!"

4) It was also the Three-Mile Island incident where everybody within five miles of the reactor should have left the area if they were sensitive to radiation (who isn't?).

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your history teacher